I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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