I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize