...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
