I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
