Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
