Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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