Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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