His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
