By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
