You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
