so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
