she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
