I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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