I need to stop coming to work sober
two words: eviction party
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize