just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
