I skipped work to stalk him.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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