I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
