belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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