I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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