Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
