I faked an abortion last night.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
