Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
