K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
