It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
