Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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