My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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