You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
