i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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