I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
