It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
