matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just invented taco cereal.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
