There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
