they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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