it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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