Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize