So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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