He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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