wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
