I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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