hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
