He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
