Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
