I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
