she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize