I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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