Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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