Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
