Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
