That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize