quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
