How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize