literally had 100 drinks last night.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
