Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
