new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
