and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
