Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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