Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
