I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
