I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
MIDGETS
????
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
