Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
