My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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