im about as happy as oj after his trial
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize