You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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