That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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