my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
