Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
