that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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