remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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