You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
