They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
