My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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