Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
