Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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