He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize