how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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