Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
